My Positive Pocket

My Shocking Story: Cutting off My Teeth due to Fire PTSD

• Safa Qureshi • Season 1 • Episode 6

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Date: January 5, 2022
My Positive Pocket
Episode 6: My Shocking Story: Cutting off My Teeth due to Fire PTSD

Summary:
My fire PTSD almost took my life. Now I'm loosing my teeth because of the trauma that has haunted me for a year. Here is my shocking story of how I have gotten to the point of needing a $40,000 surgery to save myself from becoming toothless.

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Notes:

  • -My dental disaster.
  • - The $40,000 surgery.
  • - My fire PTSD.
  • - Dissociation from my trauma.
  • - Eating mold for a year.
  • - Overcoming my trauma before it is too late.
  • - Dwell on the good instead of the bad!
  • - "Sparklify" your life despite hardship!

Let's be friends!

Safa Qureshi 0:00

The topic of today's podcast episode rather shocking, I am going to have to undergo some several, many several surgical procedures up in this like upcoming span of the next few months, as in January all the way until June, I am going to be having some pretty extreme dental surgeries and stuff that I have just kind of been wrapping my head around since like a week ago or something. It's been a very shocking week in like many areas of my life. But yeah, the teeth have been very shocking. Let me explain. And you're probably really wondering what in the world this has to do with the fire that happened two years ago. And yeah, it's time to explain in a water break for me. And I was like, I'm going to live. And he's like, Yeah, you're going to need surgical procedures that are going to cost you over $40,000. And I was like, I don't have that though. ​

Safa Qureshi 1:28

And by the way, I am thinking about redoing my intro. So yeah, no, I feel like it's kind of like too sugary. You know what I mean? Like, it's just like, a little bit too much sugar and not enough like, spice.​

Safa Qureshi 1:46

Welcome to my positive pocket. My name is sparkly little pocket where I will share the stories of my life and the lessons I've learned along the way. And of course, this little pocket of yours is going to be filled with positivity. All always overflowing with positivity sparkles. So this was a little pocket where I can share those sparkles with straight through your earbuds. Thank you for joining me. And thank you for seeing what's in your little pocket. Hello, butterflies. I am back. Thank you for staying with my podcast. While I have been well on a little excavation and not posting episodes. But yeah, I've just been busy working on so many personal projects, and just all sorts of stuff, you know, art and I finished a painting. And I published two books. And I've been doing like paint and sip parties, like teaching art classes that are like so, you know, simple and easy that anybody can do them and hosting little parties at local wineries. And yeah, if you're a local person, I officially do paint parties at relic winery, which is a winery. I think it's technically in Central Point, but it's kind of like Jacksonville. So anyway, that's what I've been up to. And I actually have a paint party coming up like this week. You know, I hope I could post this podcast. I hope I can post this podcast episode before the end of the week. But yeah, I'm going to try to be more regular with my podcast episodes. I promise because I absolutely adore recording them and also well yeah, I just really like making them honestly and I hope you guys like listening to them and I have lots of things to say as I am very talkative and social butterfly and yeah, I guess like the one little like hesitation why I've been like not recording podcast episodes that much is because they don't exactly make me any money and not that like you know, publishing a book is like a valid valid like verification that you're going to get money like beforehand. Still, I am not making anybody on my podcast, obviously. It's just kind of like a thing that I like to do. And, you know, connect with you guys in a very interesting one sided way where you can hear me but I can't hear what like you saying or you know, your thoughts or anything. But if you leave a comment on this podcast, I totally appreciate it because you know, I literally Like, posting podcast episodes is quite literally like talking to a brick wall. So, you know, help me out and comment or go to my Instagram at silver key creations and, you know, message me there because I want to know what you think you know and have a two sided conversation instead of a one sided conversation. But anyways, enough blabber Basically, everybody is wondering what surgeries I'm having. And I haven't like told the story on my Instagram because well, it's a mouthful. And also, it's like rather shocking. And it just kind of deserves some more explanation on how I've gotten to this like awful point. And it has everything to do with my fire. trauma. ​

Safa Qureshi 5:58

And the last episode that I posted on this podcast was my kind of story behind what happened to me the day. Well, the Amida fire happened and I got you know, evacuated from my town for 10 days or so. And it was a very stressful very sad, very epic slash dramatic slash terrifying time of my life. So if you haven't seen that podcast episode, do take a look at or Lisney if you know what I mean. And listen, but that is what we will be touching base on just a little bit because, oddly enough, the reason I'm having all these dental procedures has to do with some PTSD. I was suffering with from the fire. So yeah, you're probably wondering, like, how in the world does that connect? Like, just like Lay it on me? Well, that's what I'm about to do. And that's what I'm about to film this podcast episode on. Or rather record it cuz you're not actually seeing me. And as we are as I speak to the Boyd, I am painting my canvas, because I am currently working on. Oh, yeah, by the way, in case you haven't gotten the memo, I'm a fine artist. I paint things. So anyway, I am painting giraffes, which is the whole mother. Very fascinating story. But anyway, let's do one story at a time, shall we? But yeah, so anyway, what in the world is happening to my teeth? I guess I will tell you what is happening first, and then I will explain myself on how I've gotten to this pitiful dental situation of mine.​

Safa Qureshi 7:56

Here's the little dental kind of blurb. I was going to a local dentist and it was horrible. And I'm thinking whether or not I should say the name. Yes, I should. I went to for those of you who are local, I went to Premier Care Dental in the Ashland location. May I repeat that premiere care, dental in the Ashland location, let's just fry them alive. But anyway. So I was going there for a you know, two years. And I thought it was nice. I thought it was nice. I thought I like the people. I thought it was fabulous. But I when I started having some dental issues, my teeth were becoming extremely sensitive. And, like extremely like stainable like they would just stain like there was no money on that like granted. I do like have an obsession for stevia leaf powder, like not like the processed, stevia. That's like white, but like literally the powdered leaf, which is green, and it leaves stains. So that's a Womp womp but anyway, it was leaving like ridiculous stains where it was like literally staining the same areas. And it was very irritating. And it looked quite frankly very ugly still does. And so I would complain to my dentist and I'm like I brush three times a day. What's going on here? Why can't I get these stains off? And so I generally had this one hygenist Her name was Ania Allah if you do know ani Allah from Premier Care Dental. She is the only good thing about  Premier Care dental that I really found but anyway. So, I used to have my cleanings done by her. And she does an amazing job. Thank you Aniela you're not listening to this podcast, but you know, you deserve a shout out. And yeah, so one day I was specifically painting and they randomly put me with another hygenist, which was not Aniela. And I will not say her name, because that's mean. And also I don't remember it. So you know, there's that. And it was a horrible experience. I was like, looking forward to that appointment, like for months and months and months, and I finally had the appointment. And she didn't seem to do much of a cleaning, like literally, there was absolutely no difference. It was like, literally the same, like staining, nothing changed. It didn't look any cleaner. I was very disappointed. I was very dissatisfied with my, you know, service, if you will. And I was very proactive about it. Because I was absolutely like, crushed. I had been waiting for this appointment for like such a long time because I felt so insecure about the stains and all things. And basically, it didn't work. It was just like literally not even shade cleaner. Just getting some water. And so I called the manager and I was like, Well, I had a cleaning done and my insurance only like allows me two cleanings per year. And I had been waiting for this cleaning, but it now looks like I still haven't been cleaned in a year. And I don't have any cleanings left. And it literally like she just didn't do like she didn't clean right? I don't know what she did in there, but they're not clean. And so the manager person was like very irritable, and she's just kind of like, Um, okay, I'll talk to her and see like, what I what she says and whatnot. But she was like, very irritated. She was kind of like, well, it sucks to be you type of deal. And since then, yeah, she later on said, Okay, fine, we'll schedule you another appointment with your normal hygenist. And she will assess the situation. And I'm like, Okay, and so they scheduled me with my normal one Aniela.​

Safa Qureshi 12:48

But it was going to be in like four or five months. And so I was like, I'm pretty much going to be do all over again. And I literally haven't gotten a cleaning and a year. And she's like, No Sucks to be you. And so I waited all those months, and then December rolls around. And then a week later, I get something in the mail, and I didn't open it. But then they I called them actually I was just like, oh, just checking on my appointment that's coming up next week, and I just want to make sure everything's good. And then they were like, Oh, didn't you get something in the mail? And I'm like, oh, yeah, I thought I saw something like, what's that all about? I don't think I owe you guys anything. And then you won't believe but she told me she said she is well, the dentist decided that they are declining me as a patient and that I will not be allowed to go back to the office and I will not be allowed to go to another location. And I was like, fine, but like why? And then she was like, Oh, well we just can't seem to like satisfy your like unusual requests and like blah blah. And so I had waited all that time for an appointment that literally wasn't going to happen. So I was pretty furious. I'm going to write an angry review later but I still haven't done that because well the story just gets worse. So I finally find a another dentist and this dentist is like the bomb.com it is heavenly. It is called White dental and or white the white dentistry I don't even know it's something like that but it's amazing. And it's an Ashland and yeah, so I saw the doctor and they immediately knew something was really wrong with my teeth like even the hi Janice was like Oh my Gosh Honey like these are not stains. The last dentist told me that there were stains. And they also said, Well, I don't know, it's just a cosmetic thing, just use teeth whitening strips or whatever. And I was like, I'm okay, you're just saying that my teeth are ugly. And so I started using some whitening strips and those fried my teeth are kind of like, I don't know, like disintegrated my teas what they're, like sizzling off of this. And I had even worse teeth than like when I had begun was and then I came to that new one. And then they're like, Oh, honey, like those are not stains that is literally your tooth deteriorating away until the very inner core of a tooth, which is called dentin, and dentin is simply that color, it's not a stain. And it's also staining because the surface textures like go different than the normal outer layer of the teeth. And that's why it's staining really easy. But that color all the way down in there is actually the color of the inner part of your tooth. And so clearly, I was horrified. And I was like, Well, what are we gonna do? And so she's like, Oh, well, the doctor will think about it, and you know, like, whatever. And so I finally meet the new dentist, the actual, like dentist himself. And he was absolutely a godsend miracle. And he was amazing. And he was so caring. And he finally like, Finally somebody was listening to my concerns about my teeth. And he's like, yeah, like, this is like a really serious issue. And I'm going to do the best I can to, you know, save your teeth. And he's like, I'm going to get opinions from other professionals in the industry. And I'm going to try to get like a general consensus on what is the right, you know, direction to move forward with this. But quickly, me that if I don't do anything, okay, I'm probably going to lose all my teeth in the next like, 10 years or so. And I was like, runt, I'm gonna lose all my teeth. Like, again, like a baby, except this time, they're not going to grow back. And he's like, Well, I mean, I didn't say that. But I thought that, and. And then he was like, yeah, like, we need to do something. And I was like, Well, yeah, we really need to do something.​

Safa Qureshi 17:42

And so I was like, slightly horrifying, and like, on the verge of hyperventilating. And then, yeah, it just went home. And he's like, Okay, I'm going to discuss, we're gonna have another appointment in two weeks. And I was like, That's the plan. And so then, and then in two weeks, he sits me down in the consultation room, which was very cold, by the way. But anyway, I sat in that chair, very uncomfortably. I really don't like sitting down. I was like, perched like a little birdie on that chair. But anyway. And he said, Okay, this is not going to be easy to tell you. But there are a few things we could do. One is we can push this under the rug and avoid it. And just like, try the best to, like, make them last as long as possible. And yeah, and he's like, hesitating, and I'm like, that sounds like a horrible idea. And he's like, Yeah, I know, I'm just have to give you all the options as like a provider, I need to tell you like all the options. I'm like, Okay, that's good. But that is not like something I'm interested in doing. Because that just means I'm going to lose all my teeth. And so and then he's like, Well, oh, ideally, if money were not, you know, an issue, you know, and then he just kind of laid it down on me. He's like, You need surgical procedures that are going to cost you or were $40,000. And I was like, I'm going to and he's like, Yeah, you're going to need surgical procedures that are going to cost you over $40,000. And I was like, I don't have that though. Oh, and by the way, guys, recently, I got robbed, like big time of all my savings, which was quite a lot like 1000s of dollars. And yeah, that's a whole nother story. But I got robbed recently. So And I especially can't afford $40,000 surgeries. Not that I ever could But you know, now I can't even more. You know what I mean? So, um, yeah, so then I was like, oh, shoot, that's, that's very crushing news that I need this surgery, or else I'm going to lose all my teeth. ​

Safa Qureshi 20:16

And yeah, and so basically, what they're going to have to do is cut all my teeth off. And I'm not even kidding, they're gonna have to cut all my teeth off, I repeat that they're going to cut all my teeth off. Do I get to keep them? I do not know, do I want to keep them? Absolutely not. And so they're going to cut all my teeth off. And then they are going to by you engineer, my entire set of teeth ground up, they're going to have this like gold layer. And then they're going to put like, what is it Poor saline and they're going to mold they're going to make me a whole new set of teeth. It's like I went through that whole brace is torture for nothing, because now I'm losing all my teeth anyway. And I'm going to get new teeth that are bio engineered, like who's horrified? I'm horrified. And so engineers are now working on my mouth. I'm not even kidding. Like engineers are working on my mouth. They're preparing. And they're like making measurements. And it's like a really like, I'm still swallowing this and understanding that they're going to cut all my teeth off. And I'm going to get a whole new smile. And then there's like a whole nother phase of like, I'm so scared. I'm going to look like Barbie, it's gonna be awful. And I want it to look natural. And I don't want it to look like, well, Barbie. But yeah, I'm horrified. And I'm kind of horrified that this kind of technology exists. I'm also kind of, like, in awe that we can do this kind of magic. But yeah, so basically, I'm going to become like a Frankenstein kind of like, stitch to stitch. Stitch to stitch, six to six, like stitch and I'm going to be very altered. And it's gonna be very creepy. But maybe it can be like, a terrible secret that like nobody needs to know about but then, you know, like, I was born with this, like unfortunate regurgitation to absolutely tell everybody everything about my life. And the more embarrassing the expecially I will tell people about it. But anyway, so guys, that's what's happening, or my teeth are gonna get cut off, or else all my teeth are gonna fall off. So instead, we're going to be proactive and just cut them all off to save us the worry and time of waiting for them to fall off. And then we are going to bioengineer my mouth up. And so now I am having to go through the process of designing my smile. I'm not even kidding, guys. I'm designing my smile. There's like, Okay, we're gonna make molds for approval. And you can like, prove your new smile before we put it in your mouth. And I'm like, well, that's exciting. Also horrifying. And also, I never thought I'd be designing my own like teeth. That's kind of dystopian, but yeah, so that's happening, guys. Like just like, I'll give you a moment to like, wrap your head around that. I'm getting bioengineered teeth, and I'm going to have gold in my mouth. ​

Safa Qureshi 32:05

I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, that's so funny. Like, the next time someone says, I'm just gonna be waiting for this, The next time someone says, Oh, you have such a heart of gold, I'll say have teeth of gold do and that'll make my life so much more entertaining. But and there is as well. But anyway, guys, happening. That's what's happening to me in the near future, as in next week, it's starting, I'm going to be starting the process on 10 teeth. I'm nervous, I hope it's going to be okay. And everything's gonna go well, and yeah, it's gonna be a very painful, very long journey of surgical procedures. And I'm going to get to know my dentist very well. And he's very good looking, by the way, so there is that and he's very, very nice. And he's going to take good care of my teeth. And yeah, so that's happening. And yeah, so I just thought I would let you guys know. And now you're probably wondering how in the world did you get to that point where like, your teeth are literally disintegrating and And you're can't even like keep them and they're like, you know gotta be cut off. And why is this whole thing happening to you Safa like what did you do? Did you not brush your teeth? No, I brushed my teeth three times a day, so didn't fall there. But yeah, so let me explain and you're probably really wondering what in the world this has to do with the fire that happened two years ago. ​

Safa Qureshi 33:46

And it's time sorry, guys, I just banged my water on my windowsill and that's where my phone is. So that probably sounded like a loud barbarous clunk of thunder to you. But yeah, anyways. Alrighty, so recap. Two years ago, in a summer, there was a fire that mysteriously started behind somebody's like, yard. Yeah, and it basically ripped down like two towns pretty badly Phoenix and talent in I live in talent, Oregon. And so that was rather problematic to me as I have always had sound, you know, protected earphones on because I have hyper sensory disorder, which is a whole nother podcast episode. But yeah, but anyway. Um, yeah. So I have like these, you know, had sound cancelling headphones on and then, you know, I found out that my town was on fire 20 minutes after it started catching fire. And that was very, you know, like, just like, a lot of cortisol to deal with.

Safa Qureshi 35:05

So anyway, so that happened and all the things but what does this have to do with my teeth? Like, please? And that's where I am going to tell you. So, basically, while I was in evacuation during my time in evacuation, my glorious timing down evacuation. I was in my second home, second evacuation home. No, I was in my first evacuation home when I first visited my house after the fire, and oh, and by the way, guys, after I posted that podcast episode about the fire, it was summer again, and I had some insane PTSD, like you won't believe I like this last summer, I was hearing the fire alarm, and the police knocking down doors one year later. Like I was supposed to, like, the whole reason I almost you know, kind of got kind of burned alive is because I didn't hear like the sirens. And I didn't hear the police knocking down doors. The day it happened. So now I'm been petrified, you know, like this summer after that I was petrified that. Well, it was just gonna happen again. And that I wasn't going to hear the alarm just like I didn't last time. And so I was hearing the alarm in my head and nobody else was. And so I was like calling neighbors. And I was like, do you hear the fire alarm? Like, are we on fire? And they're like, no, no, honey, it's just in your head. And I'm like, aww good! NOT good!​

Safa Qureshi 36:50

Because that means that I'm going crazy. But that means that we're not catching fire. But that still means that I'm going crazy because I'm hearing fire alarms that aren't there. And so that was a unfortunate kind of scary time. But anyway, the summer is over. And it is actually in the wintertime now. And it is so beautiful and winter. wonderlands like, and it's snowing. But anyways. So yeah, I had some issues. But anyway, why does this have to do with my teeth. And so when I was in the very beginning, the first time that I visited my sad home in a you know, burned kind of town that looked very, very different from the day that I had left it in panic. And you know, we were surrounded by rubble and burnt everything. And burnt cars, which are one of the most horrible, horrible things you can ever see burned cars like fire, you know, devastated cars, some scary stuff. And so it was, you know, nothing short of horrifying. And when I got back into my house, it had already been a week. And I obviously had not, you know, cleaned out all the rotting because obviously we lost power. And so the refrigerators weren't running and stuff, and we had toxic water and stuff. And so yeah, all the food that was in the refrigerator was absolutely rotten, of course, and also the freezer. And so that was the trip that I had come back to my house to clean out my fridge and my freezer. That way, whenever you know, it was time to move in. I wouldn't have to deal with it when it's like 10 times worse and like really, really bad. And it was already bad. And so I opened that refrigerator and it smells like it smelled like someone had formatted in there. And it was like the freezer was so gross. There was like oozing. Like, ah, it was so bad. It was like oozing fruit juice and like creepiness. It was so gross. And so like you would just open like the fridge door and like this juice would just like drip onto the floor. And it was the most absolutely the most disgusting thing I've ever smelled and seen. And yeah, it was just absolutely gross. And so I had to clean that and shout out to my friend who took me in for my second evacuation house. Ryan, thank you for coming with me to clean my fridge. You are an angel like nobody. Nobody like nobody should have came with me that was an absolutely disgusting procedure. But anyway, he came and I was very, very, very Be grateful because I couldn't do that alone. And so I cleaned my fridge and well the other thing is it wasn't really clean because the water I was cleaning it was toxic water. Okay, toxic water. I don't even think we had soap to do we have soap I don't even know. But I cleaned it with toxic water basically just cleaned all the, like, moldy. Well, not even I tried my best we tried, you know, but there was still mold in that fridge whenever it was, you know, quote unquote, clean. It's just we had had enough and you could, you know, we had to wear gas masks inside the house because, you know, the gas fumes and like toxic, like, whatever was inside the house. And it was like freezing. And so yeah, it was really sad time. And we just wanted to get out of there. So we just wanted to get the job, you know, like, done ish, and just be gone. And so that was that, and then we left. And then when I came back, you know, a week later or so whenever we finally were allowed to re enter the town, I was horrified of cleaning my fridge I had initially planned on you know, like, giving it a proper cleaning when I got home, you know, like after all of this mess. But whenever I got back in fire, I had so much PTSD from the last time I had cleaned it, you know, when I had just seen my devastated town when I had just seen my house and like it's awful condition. And, you know, being in such a state of like anxiety during those days, and like cleaning that fridge, it was all just a little bit too much for me. And it was really traumatic experience. And so I was absolutely terrified of cleaning my fridge again, because it reminded me It flashed my mind back to those horrible, horrible, horrible memories of cleaning it the day that I had seen my devastated fire stricken town, and it was just so traumatic. And so I literally never cleaned my fridge again after that. And mind you, let's remember that the fridge was not clean, you know, like it's still had mold in it. It was still like cleaned by you know, toxic water, which is a whole nother issue. And then of course, like the mold was still there, and it smelled disgusting. But I was too terrified to clean it, but I still used it. And so all my food, you know, was in that disgusting fridge and we're talking like for a year. I never cleaned it. And it was like getting so bad. You know, like when there's mold in a fridge it just keeps on like growing. And more mold just kind of goes all over the walls and all over the food inside need to get water... And so basically all the mold was getting infused into it. ​

Safa Qureshi 41:31

Like literally everything I ate was infused with mold and it was absolutely disgusting. And you're probably wondering, like how did I let it get this bad? Like how was I just like eating mold and the thing was like, the thing about me I have like a survival mechanism that it's been like, I don't know, like ingrained in me since birth and I've used it for like survival that I... No matter like how difficult no matter how like horrific the experiences that I'm going through. I have a way of just subconsciously "sparklifying" it and kind of glossing it over with like positivity shine and rainbows and unicorns and just like magic. And I kind of disassociate myself from what's actually going on in my life. And that's kind of how I've survived for like really, really traumatic experiences in my life while still being absolutely happy, sparkly, go lucky kind of person. And just like absolutely happy. It's not even like I'm pretending to be happy. It's like I literally am so happy and all the time and I rarely ever find myself like upset because I don't know I'm always like just like bursting with joy it's a very interesting life experience to live where I haven't really felt sad for like really really sad for over you know like half an hour like it's exhausting for me and I just kind of go back to my you know rebound to my like happy fluttery self. And so I was completely disassociating myself from the you know, like hellish experience of only eating mold for a year and you're probably wondering, like, how do you like get away with that I didn't get away with that. I lost so much weight I was getting so sick. It's like literally every every meal just like TMI but you know you're talking to TMI you'd like My name is like Safa TMI Qureshi. And so literally, everything I ate was coming out and diarrhea. And it was like, so painful. And I was getting like stomach aches. And like, literally, I was on the brink of dying. I was like rail thin. And I'm already like a really thin person. But like, I was just like, so sucked into it , and it's like, I constantly felt like I was dying. Like literally just like felt like I was dying all the time. Because I was and like literally like when I would be taking photos of myself for like Instagram stuff. I was like, Oh no, like this lighting. It makes me look like a zombie. It makes me look like I'm dying. I got to like get in better lighting. But like no matter how hard I would try and like change the lighting. I still looked like a zombie. It wasn't the lighting. It was me. I literally looked like a zombie. And I looked like I was dying because I literally was. ​

Safa Qureshi 46:51

And so then I had gotten so swallowed into it where I guess like whenever I was in evacuation there was like food shortages and I like really was just like living off of other people's fridges and I really wasn't hungry to begin with. And so I really wasn't eating much because while I was like just like couldn't like find the willpower to eat and then to I was just so upset and then to like I was always living out of someone's fridge and I didn't want to take too much space night. I just ate enough to get by basically. But then I developed that habit and you know, honestly I had just like lost all taste of like food like I literally stopped tasting food it honestly just kind of became like a eat enough to live and then like that's that. And I literally just like lost the taste of it. Like I just forgot what food is supposed to taste like I forgot what it's supposed to feel like to be hungry. And I just got like really missed up and then when I went back and I was eating rotten like moldy food and I guess it was like a gradual process of like it just got like the fridge just got like grosser and grocer, and like more moldy, like gradually so like the food just started tasting like worse and worse gradually. And then plus I didn't really like have like a taste sensation to begin with. It was just like so numbed at that point. That I just like really didn't really notice and I guess I would notice like slightly where it was like, I guess like I thought like I didn't put much thought into it. But I was like, why is it like food working for me? Like why do I eat so much like eat the same amount that I used to but now like I literally like can't keep weight on me and I like literally just can't seem to like, like function. I'm like dying and I'm like eating the same amount. But like, it's just not working. The food is not working. And so I just figured I had like a stomach bug or something. But really I was just eating like rotten food and I had no idea because I just like literally lost taste for food and probably like a survival mechanism. If you're only eating rotten food a survival mechanism is to just like lose taste altogether, because it's so disgusting and unbearable. But you have to eat right but no, I was dying. I was literally dying and I looked awful. And so I was eating think about it, guys. I was eating moldy food. What do you think that's going to do to my teeth? Uh huh. Yeah, that's that's like yeah, moldy food into the mouth full of precious teeth. And plus, I wasn't getting any nutrition because I was eating more mold. Like clearly there's no like calcium and mold, like. And so I was dying, killing myself very slowly in a very gradual torturous process, and also killing my teeth, because you know, no nutrition and also because like it was just like, saturated in mold all the time.​

Safa Qureshi 50:22

And also, I eat a lot of like melons and stuff. And so the melons were just like acidic, like, gross, like mushy, like, oozing, discussing this, and it was so disgusting. And I would have to, like, drink a little bit of water in between bites, because it tasted so bad. But I don't know how this became, I guess it all became so normal to me. And then plus my tendency to like, gloss over all things bad and just make it like positive and happy. And I just like totally. So I guess like, the thing about me is like, I never like dwell on all the like horrific bits of my life, because I'm always busy dwelling on the magical bits of my life and the bits that really like, just like make me feel like I'm living the most wonderful life imaginable, and how I'm so grateful to live such a wonderful life and blah, blah. And so like I don't like I don't spend my time dwelling about like, oh, like, my food is making me sick. And it tastes disgusting, because I'm too busy, like, dwelling about the beautiful things in my life. Which is good, but like in this case, it just wasn't good. And, yeah, and so I just went on like that for a year. And then it got to the point where I mean, I just lost so much weight. And I'm like not a short person. I'm like, six, five and five, six or so or at least I used to be but you know, like I had this really catastrophic accident. And I actually broke my spine quite recently, not that recently, maybe like a year or two ago. And it actually compressed my vertebra. So I have six compressed vertebra. So I'm technically a little shorter than I like should be. That's a whole nother podcast episode because I almost died again. It's very consistent, very prominent, very ever, like repeating episode or sequence in my life where I just like constantly almost die. I don't know why. But anyway. So as I was, you know, talking about how I almost killed myself eating mold. Yeah, so then it came to be like, I don't know, it's like getting to the point where it's almost a year since the fire and I was like, I think I had like some rotten food. And then I went on a walk. And then I literally felt like I was gonna die. I threw up in front of someone's driveway. And then I was going to go and like knock and be like, Oh, I'm so sorry, I threw up on your driveway. But then I felt like I was dying. So I was like, oh, shoot, I should turn around and go home and then like, throw up the rest of what I need to throw up in the toilet. And so I got home and I was like, wait a second Safa. What am I doing? Like, why am I throwing up? Like, oh, I might have eaten mold. And then I'm like, Well, I've been eating mold for an entire year. And then it just kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. And I was like, What am I killing myself? And so, yeah, that happened. And I was like, oh, shoot, I need to really learn how to eat normally. And then I realized I have to clean that fridge. And so on the anniversary of the Almita fire one year later the night it happened, you know, like the night one year ago. The like talent was burning and on fire. I cleaned my fridge. I finally cleaned my fridge a year later. And it was beautiful. And it's not as beautiful as it was the moment I cleaned it, but I'm gonna redo some cleaning. But yeah, I mean, at least I don't have mold in it right now. 

Safa Qureshi 54:37

I cleaned my fridge and I got over my fear and it was really hard and I knew something that'd be really hard for me. And I knew something that I needed to do alone this time. And I did it and it was a really big deal for me. I cleaned my fridge when I had been terrified of doing it for an entire year. And yes, I did experience some really terrible PTS Like traumatic experiences when I cleaned that fridge and I also kind of like magical ified it as I do, and you all I just had like an epic montage of my whole, like, fire evacuation period, little chapter of my life. And it was really beautiful experience and I cleaned my fridge and I was finally on the road to recovery. And so I, you know, slowly but surely kind of recovered. And now I'm back to like a healthy body and weight and like regained all my muscle. And yeah, it was freely like, dramatic and yeah, but you know, the damage had been done to my teeth. And so that's why my teeth were so in like, they are now in such a bad condition because I was not getting enough tuition. And I was literally like eating teeth, like my teeth were getting infused with mold. And so now I have to suffer the consequences of well, something that I felt so I was out of my control, and just slipped PTSD kind of trauma from my fire. And I'm going to need a surgical procedure that's going to cost me over $40,000. And if I don't get this, I can try to shove it under the carpet for the next 15 years. And then in about 15 years, I'm going to need to get the procedure done. So basically, it's like, do I want to procrastinate, and like, do it maybe when it's like more too late? Or do I just do it now? And so I'm gonna have to do it now. Because I don't know what else to do. And yeah, so you're probably wondering like how in the world that is happening. My dad is saving me, again, with my medical expenses again. And it's kind of humiliating and a little bit like, I just don't know how to feel like, I'm so grateful that he is saving me and I know you guys on my podcast don't really know my family background. But it's a big deal that he's saving me like it's a really big deal. And so, yeah, so he is very big me, and he's going to help pay for the expense. And yeah, I think I'd like next week or so, I'm going to start the procedures and it's going to be a long journey. It's gonna be a lot of surgeries. But I'm ready for it. I'm really, really ready for it. And I'm excited for it. It's going to be a journey. I'm going to magicalify this just like a magicalify everything in my life. And yeah, that's what's happening to me. Thank you so much for listening to this. ​

Safa Qureshi 58:23

I am still painting as I do. And yeah, I've been meaning to tell you guys this for a little bit. But I was having some technical errors with my microphone. Hopefully it sounds okay. And, yeah, that's what's going on. And so that's going to be going on and then anyway, just in my personal life, things that have been going on and will continue to be going on. I recently published my two books, and I'm so proud of them. And I'm dreaming of getting them in Barnes and Nobles. One of them is called My manifestation planner. And the other one is called My manifestation journal. And so basically, they can be used like together or they can be used just like separately. One of them is a planner. And one of them is like a workbook. And so Oh, did I say my manifestation journal, I meant to say workbook. I'm so sorry. It's my manifestation workbook and my manifestation planner. And so the workbook is for organizing all your goals and dreams. And so it's like a color coded beautiful organizer where you can keep tabs on all of the goals you're trying to manifest into your life and it's all color coded and you break it down into all the little steps that you're going to do and there's like progress like little bumpers and like it's like so adorable and it's got a ton of mindset. Like why do you want this Like, what are the feelings associated with it? And then like, what are steps and actions I need to take and like, like, what are shifts I need to make in my life and it's like, it's like a step by step, how to get from Step A to step b and, you know, achieve your goal or dream or manifest, which you're trying to manifest into your life. And it's, and I made this book through me, because I'm so disorganized, but I have such ambitious dreams. And so it's amazing. So there's that. And I'm just absolutely loving them because I'm getting to use them finally, after like, you know, creating it and like designing them for months and months. And they are now getting into local bookstores in Ashland, and also Jacksonville. And yeah, so right now they're in Rebel books. And they're going to be in Bloomsbury books pretty soon. I think like sometime in January. And then of course, I am selling my books at relic winery, whenever I have an art event. If you do end up coming to one of my pain parties, you can shop my books. And also I bring like calendars and stuff. And by the way, I have a 2022 calendar bundle, where it's like a calendar with all my artwork in it. And it also comes with five greeting cards, which are super glorious, and you know, fun to give to people you love. And yeah, so anyway, so that one's the planner. I mean, that one's the workbook. And then the planner is basically how to organize your life. So you can achieve all the goals and like little like steps and action plan that you choked out and the workbooks so they go really well together. But if you're the kind of person who just needs a planner, you could just get that. And if you're the person who just needs a workbook, he could just get that. And both of them are going to be in ebooks. Right now. I have the planner, and an e book. And it's super, super convenient to have your planner like right there on your phone everywhere you go. And, yeah that's pretty much I've made two books. And so that's going on. And then of course, I'm making my new painting, which is going to be two white giraffes. I'll tell you the story some other time. And yeah, super exciting. ​

Safa Qureshi 1:02:49

I am so grateful. You listen to this podcast episode, it has been very requested, as many people are anxious to hear what my super, super expensive surgery is all about. But yeah, thank you so much for staying till the end. And as always, I hope you have a magical day. And I hope I inspire you to take I don't know just a little bit of a more lighthearted approach to your life. And focus on the good instead of you know, the bad but at the same time, don't eat mold for a year and just like sunshine coded and completely dissociate from you from like what's going on in your life. So don't do that. But do focus on the good bits of your life. Focus on the little beautiful moments and little tidbits and little details in your life that make you feel so inspired and make you feel so alive. And like you're really really living a life worth living. And think about those things. Don't think about all the little stressful things that are nagging at you. I mean, dwell on the good instead of dwelling on the bad and you'll start to find that the bad is not even as bad as you thought it was because you're suddenly in a healthier state of mind where you can tackle anything because positivity is not about just like shoving things under the carpet. It's about like looking at your whole life through another outlook you know, like having another like lens to look at your life through and you know, just with a few sparkles of positivity. You can so much maneuver through any life toughy that you are presented with. And yeah, you're gonna be just fine everybody so just don't worry about it. And keep on going and put a smile on and focus on the good and spread good. And when you have like such You're healthy state of mind and you're feeling super positive. You have a beautiful effect on other people where you're spreading positivity and just making the world just a little bit of a more kind and wonderful place to be. So yeah, keep on doing that. And coming soon on the podcast I will be doing a podcast episode on my hyper sensory disorder there will also be a podcast on what else what else? Oh, my trichotillomania, which is my hair pulling out disorder. And yeah, I'm just gonna sprinkle in some pretty interesting episodes about some traumas of mine, and also another really big trauma episode about how I lost. I really lost touch with my femininity due to another trauma. And that's a pretty, pretty touchy one. And then another thing, I do have a positivity episode coming for you guys that I did quite recently in my life. I will, I will tell you all about it in the podcast episode, but it has to do with being your own pep talk person in your own hype man. When you're like about to tackle something kind of scary in your life that is causing a lot of stress or anxiety or you're just kind of like feeling a lot of pressure from like doing something in your life. Well, guess what, you don't need to like hype man to like hype you all up and make you feel brave enough to tackle it. You can do that yourself. And it's really DIY and I'll teach you how it's super fun. But turtles for now, and I hope you have a magical day. And I hope you're enjoying whatever season you're in at the moment, but I'm in winter, and I'm really enjoying this winter wonderland. And I didn't know I thought I didn't like snow. But now it's really starting to grow on me. But yeah, enough blabbering for now and I'll blabber on next time.​ And in the show description notes I will put all the links for my books! And my 2022 Calendar Bundle which is just a calendar with my fine art and 5 free greeting cards of your choice! and Yeah! But so much love to you guys and yeah, do check out the show description notes for everything I mentioned in the podcast episode! And love you guys very much!

Safa Qureshi 1:08:00

I have an Instagram and a Facebook page and my handle Is Silver Key Creations, that's Silver Key Creations! Take a look at what I'm currently up to and let me deliver you some visual sparkles, because the voice can only do half of the part. Right? Well, thank you so much, it means the world to me. You can see all of my artwork and what I'm currently working on at Silverkeycreations.com. You can also join my Flutter Flock. My Flutter Flock is my positivity group where I share sparkles from my heart to yours. It's just one little extra step above the podcast! If that feels right to you, be sure to join, and I'd love to have you. You can join by going to my website and signing up for my newsletter. And I would love to hear from you guys, leave a comment and I'll be sure to reply. And every little drop of support means the absolute world to me and I cherish your love and support. So thank you so much, but that's all for now! Enjoy your day, and I'll talk to you next time. Bye! Tootles for now!